desum | yogen wants to hear ur cr

[It's the local poor meow meow.]

i imagine shin has nothing but good things to say about both bonnie and miyuki tbh

Miyuki: Shin's in that awkward bit where he like. Knows it's 90% his fault Miyuki came under suspicion and also got stabbed (??) and feels bad about it but also like. Is sort of quietly slinking away because he's not sure what to do about it and fears getting lambasted about it, I'm crying. The note in the locker kicked up Shin's internal meter of how much Miyuki would be willing to kill, also. He's hoping Miyuki will forget he broke into it in the chaos of the rest of the meeting.

Miyuki comes across as a very straightforward, to the point person to Shin, which does get him a few points without him really thinking about it.

Bonnie: Dislike, rapidly shading to suspicion as it does with him, because he instinctively tries to search for reasons for that dislike. Shin's got a natural kneejerk mental response to people who are this kind of chipper and combined with the whole pick up and lift thing it's really rubbing him the wrong way. He'd been sort of having a back and forth with her with the fingerprints thing but right now it's nope. Just dislike.

( gripping shin's hands very tightly )

Amami: I love how far their CR's come so much, from that sort of like, dance around each other to accidentally hitting the friends button. Despite his initial off guardedness and consternation about it, in the months since Shin's been letting himself warm up to that level in turn, and it shows in the meeting, with him having Rantaro's back and then finding out Rantaro has his... It honestly says a lot that Rantaro is the person he first thinks to call when he's in danger, and I love that mirroring there as well, they're sort of building up with a brick on one side, then on the other. It also says a lot that Rantaro is the first person Shin's mentioned the death game to, and I think that's a sign of both the habit of information sharing and that level of trust... but also that in turn Shin is trying to distance himself from his personal relation to Midori, partly because he doesn't want Rantaro to think less of him, which I don't think is entirely conscious but also. Shin. Shinnnnn.

But I do like that even aside from being mutual Ride or Die Besties now that they've been just hanging out... Shin sees Rantaro as a person who's fairly sharp about the character of others even as he's annoyed by him being a Komaeda stan, so him vouching for Kaede def went some way towards their current acquaintanceship. They can just share food and hang out and send pics to each other, it's fine.

He's also still not sure if half of Rantaro's stories are true or but that's not really the point of them, which is to be listened to and he enjoys doing that. He does think of Rantaro as pretty cool now that he's allowing himself that... which ties into that not wanting to be thought less of thing up there rip. Shin is a tangled ball of yarn sometimes.

gib

Komaeda: AS ALWAYS MATTERS ARE COMPLICATED it's been interesting seeing this little sort of arc of Shin trying to pretend to continue their friendship so as to try and flip the dynamic on it's head (and also a little like... dipping his toe in the waters and his lingering emotions)... then realising he's in too deep and he can't back out but sort of still trying to pretend... then the being hunted down like a rabbit thing making smth snap and him being fuck it and gradually more and more open with his dislike and testing of boundaries.

I feel like their CR is Shin being like. Maybe Komaeda will not be Komaeda for this one small thing and then when he inevitably is Komaeda being like why the fuck do i bother/do this to myself and turtling up even more. He's unlikely to share information with Komaeda or ask him for help for this reason. Shin's nerves have been sandpapered raw and only started to heal and Komaeda gets on them. But even when Komaeda IS being nice, like on New Years, he can't trust it... there's no winning with him.

It kills me too bc it's kind of a self-perpetuating effect you can see happening in reverse direction with Shin's friendships where he tests the waters and it works out so he does it a little more.... but there's so much inertia here he's increasingly less likely to. It'd take something to really shatter the calcified image of Komaeda in his head.

He's very skeptical about Komaeda's philosophy of hope because he's read it as largely self-serving and self-justifying. What gives hope is shockingly, what Komaeda wants, news at 11 (despite this being like. a bit of a chicken and egg situation). He's basically filled in his own ideas of how the world works into it, so that's what he hears whenever Komaeda starts talking about it. I still love that he tries not to mention the word in case it summons him.

Ultimately Komaeda is someone that feels dangerous to him in an emotionally complicated way, and it bothers him to no end that he's got his defenders anyway... (Sara becoming friends with him top 10 anime betrayals) he's largely given up on doing anything about this beyond warning newcomers. We all know about the Midori projection hours, which means he's inclined to give Komaeda zero benefit of doubt even over time as someone who's had that abused in the past.

One interesting thing about this though is that... since Shin wasn't the one who ended things with Midori, he doesn't know how to do it without that kind of clean break, and the chance for that with awakening in Yogen sailed by accident. He doesn't know how to disentangle himself from Komaeda especially since he knows too much reaction is what Komaeda wants, so he just kind of sits on it and suffers. Through puzzle time often. And Russian novels.

On the other side of things the thing with the tic tac toe kills me. I think Shin's memories of his NPC self started out fuzzy and have faded with time, but they def have had an impact on things, and that's something that's existentially terrifying to Shin too, as someone who already struggles with identity issues. Deep, deep, down, locked in the basement and tattered, is something that wanted to be friends with Komaeda, and he might have been a little more willing to try if the rumors of murder hadn't tipped the scales as early as they did.

Midori: MANY COMPLICATED FEELINGS. Shin really did look up to Midori, see him has a big brother figure even as he was scared of him... it was complicated at the time and it only got more complicated after as Shin slowly realised some very hard things to realise but those don't just make the emotions go away instantly... He did manage to move on despite this. I still think about Shin being upset he wasn't the only person Midori toyed with for multiple reasons.

They haven't even met yet and Midori's arrival has Shin feeling like he's been dunked in ice water like the gentle persuasion comic. It's putting a lot of things in perspective: he might actually have to think about how he'd take Komaeda over Midori, but also it's made Shin realise how emotionally open he's let himself become and how many friends he's made and thereby... how vulnerable he is, and they are. He's caught in this weird state where because of the December events his ability to feel like he can rely on those friends has taken a hefty hit and left uncertainties, but also he's not logic sou either; he's not utterly dead inside and uninteresting chalk and salt, and trying for that is going to hurt. As a result emotions are running high in general despite Shin knowing he needs to get them under control for this.

please and thank you

AInami: Can't talk about her without mentioning Shin's impression of the og Nanami, since that colors his thoughts on them both because he is an extrapolatey boi. He didn't really have CR or much timeline overlap with her but seeing someone try to break up a fight by placing their body in the way of a spear wielded by a pissed off Dito who's already attacked someone else leaves a bit of a mark in terms of character judgement. Apart from that she was nice enough... he definitely sees the Nanamis as the type to set themselves on fire to keep others warm from that, and now that he's actually getting to know them, that'll probably only increasingly bother him. That and seeing the other Nanami have a panic attack have activated his shiny new (i say, like he hasn't been here eight months) big brother mode a little.

It's hard to give separate thoughts on AInami specifically given the twins and swapping notes things going on but he's sharp enough to notice differences, especially with the leg up of rooming with one... mostly that one seems to be sleepier and usually is wearing something slightly different, and seems to be a little more confident if the way she acts in meetings is any indication. I don't know if the fact she's in the Robotics Club has been enough of a hint that she's an AI... but given his experience with such he's probably considered it. Maybe at some point he'll work up to actually asking. How to politely say 'hey do you have lag issues' is another matter.

Ranger: God this CR is a rollercoaster I love it so much. From that initial base of distrust and exchange to something more nebulous... Ranger really has made Shin have to grapple with the idea that someone can be both a victim and hurt others (among other things)... he's not the only example (looking at Shin's own self-loathing here... they really do have the same smell to them) but because he's tied into Asunaro and the death game it adds quite a lot of extra emotions into the mix. Shin's gotten used to Ranger's checking in and things had sort of settled into a comfortable mutual checking up and consultation and occasional group project with Inaba. Neither of them would admit to it, even to themselves, but it's probably fair to call it friendship, which is buck wild and I love it.

It kills me because Ranger's tendency to logic and mutual exchange has been something that Shin's used to interact with him and prop up this CR when he's at his most distrustful; it gives him a handy mental way out. But now with Midori's arrival it's completely backfiring and Shin is like. already withdrawing into self-beratory and hurt 'well what did I expect'. I keep thinking about how whenever he does a retreat from their CR like this it's always with the context of reminding himself that Ranger's a Floormaster.

They really do get each other on a lot of levels and I think this is the first time they've run into such a stark difference. It's definitely tanking Shin's sense of Ranger as someone he can go to about things, which is ow looking at him doing things like wanting Ranger to be the one taking his blood. It'll be interesting to see what happens re: the gift Shin was working on. I do still love that Shin considers Ranger's code and mechanics very cool even with the messiness of everything surrounding that.

[ Crashes into my skurnkly. my eeby deeby. my snooby wooby. ]

Sara: WHERE TO START WITH SARA CHIDOUIN. It hurts me so much bc coming off emotion route Shin really was in that place where being allies and then gradually friends with her made sense to him, and he'd also been learning more about her over time and slowly eroding that pedestal he'd had her on, realising maybe they're not too different, that the game and it's responsibility had a massive negative impact on her even as he still grapples with the sense of having people look up to you and do things for you being a bad thing, that Midori took an interest in her (with the attendant Implications and sympathy) and that she's just.... kind of a weird person in general, it's not a bit?

I love that they got to just have stupid arguments over nothing and go on conversational tangents and riff off each other. I think also that it's interesting that Shin sees Sara as having more of a future than him and than she thinks she does herself. Some of that pedestal definitely still remains; he sees her as someone who's better at making friends than she strictly is, who has a nose for weaknesses and throwing people off guard and co-ordinating people even with that toll it takes on her. He goes between recognizing it's bad and relying on it himself.

December kills me bc it really did shatter the idea Shin had built up in his mind that while Sara's a violent person, that violence was pointed outward away from him and somewhat of a defense for him. He's upset and hurt and angry, and while he doesn't hate her that's not the same as forgiveness because it's the same lack of hate you'd have for a tiger mauling you. He still doesn't understand what set her off and that means he can only be even warier.

Their entire friendship was built on a lie and that really stings because once more the memories have become soured in hindsight (which also makes him feel robbed because he did like being friends) and while I think Shin has enough of a spark of self-awareness to know he'd probably have been upset whenever she'd told him, it still hurts. And then there's the revelation that not only she voted for Kanna, but it was that close and that's meant even his Sara is not fully the person he thought she was from that, and also it's a subtle erosion at the revelation he had on death that's been driving him this whole time (thankfully it has a lot of inertia and further proof at this point). The whole thing of him being kept alive over Kanna because he was 'more useful' (like Kai) and because people didn't want him to die are both fucking with him in two different directions.

That said things have started to cool down and have reached a sort of neutral zone where they're not sniping at each other as much but they still tend to end up on opposite sides of things or avoid each other. Shin is in this weird hypocritical place where he doesn't expect Sara to defend him in things but is still kind of upset when she doesn't, in the same way he doesn't expect people to believe him about Midori and is surprised when they do but is still upset when they don't...

Speaking of, oof. Midori is definitely a reason for Shin to want to put aside differences to take him down but unfortunately the rift seems only to be widening, in a continuing trend of Shin and Sara talking past each other and hitting sore spots, so that even what they consider tentative overtures only end up reinforcing things.

Edited (wow wrong html) 2022-02-21 06:17 (UTC)

I am curious about the meow meow thoughts so far!

Alice: Aliiiice. This CR is interesting because apart from Kanna Alice is the only one that worked with Shin for any period of time in the death game, even as he was also doing his own thing. And then... Alice died, because Shin's from a Kanna/Reko route. This has kind of crystallized those points in amber.

In Yogen Shin found out a few months before Alice showed up that Alice was the one responsible for killing Midori, which he has some complicated feelings about and had to shoo off a fantasy about that maybe being why they got along that well considering in the death game. He's also worked out that Alice also must have voted for him over Kanna in Sara's timeline, but that's much less emotionally direct because he wasn't there. It also helps that Alice is so starkly a very straightforward person who wears his heart on his sleeve, even though he's less fond of that meaning he has to worry about Alice blurting out the wrong name.

All this plus his own character development he's had here means that on Alice's arrival Shin is already inclined to regard him well and be friendly towards him, especially since his CR with other castmates has been either complicated or strained of late, so Alice is a bit of fresh air at the moment. It says a lot that Shin vouched for him to Helena, someone who is also a similar level of rabbity about sleeping in the same room as people and who he has a strong friendship with. There may be a tiny bit of a crush that Shin is putting in the basement and placing a ton of rocks on top of.

Now that Midori's here and Ranger and Sara seem to not be understanding the gravity of it from Shin's perspective, Shin is consciously or unconsciously leaning on Alice to help him again and also be someone who gets it, placing all that mental weight onto it and it hurts me.

I love that while they're starting out with a relatively friendly CR foundation that lets them have fairly normal conversations like Shin venting about 90s computers, despite Everything, there's still so much that's inevitably complicated going on underneath that. I'll need to elaborate on Alice's side of it properly, but I'm More Eyes Emoji at all the things that might come up over time, especially with Midori's arrival. SHIN SEEKING BACKUP, ON THAT NOTE, THE PAIN IS GOOD...

eyes emojis at the Things, can't wait for the timeline stuff to come up as well i'm crying.
SWEET DELICIOUS PAIN YEAH

whispers please

Helena: Fambly... Seestor... I really love seeing how they've come this far. Helena is Shin's current strongest CR in Yogen rn, in terms of trust levels. Not just in terms of like, trusting not to betray or harm, but also just like. Trusting her with pieces of himself. Recently that got shaken a little because even though she didn't follow through with it, the reminder she could use his name against him shook him.

While they get along well and like each other, there's unaddressed problems under the surface that can and do occasionally cause friction. Shin thinks Helena is a little too trusting and willing to put up with things she shouldn't, though that image has begun to crack what with her smacking him one for lying to her. But it does mean he tends to doubt her assessments of character, and fears that he's repeating history and taking advantage of her, a common thread in his CR in general.

Their differing relations to information and the truth are also something they're starting to slowly reach an accord on and the lotus flower metaphor is stuck in Shin's mind now. He does make an effort to share more with her because that's how she measures trust but also... it's a defense mechanism to keep secret about himself, and with that level of safety it's nice to be seen and heard without it being used against him.

That said he's being a bit strategic with it because revealing too MUCH of himself seemed to hurt her. (Shin that's not the takeaway to the cocoa thing you should have taken). One thing that's interesting to me is that like. She's talked to both 'Sou Hiyori' and Shin Tsukimi in a sense? Like they're both him but there's been conversations dominated by one or the other and it's interesting.

Overall I do love his quiet realisation in the background that she's a much stronger person than he initially gave her credit for and how that's still kind of happening bc he doesn't know how rowdy she is under the hood because she keeps that on lock so well. Helena is kind of in the same bucket as Sara where it's like 'you can deal with this, but should you?'. Doesn't help that seeing her block Dito was very hhhh to him.

He's a little insecure about how fast she's picked up coding but also proud and happy to teach and it makes him feel like he's contributing :' ) He does like discussing things with her and hanging out and sdfdgfd between her and Komaeda they'll get him reading poetry yet. He's also like. Unsure how to approach whatever painful history she has (his first instinct is to leave it alone, but also she seems to think talking about this sort of thing helps?) but it hurts in that way where you know it's before you met but you still wish you could have been there to maybe do something about it.

Overall I just love this CR so much, I love them swapping puzzles and napping with the kotatsu and probably getting into silly arguments.

WORLD COLD SHINLENA CR SOFT AND WARM

im just gonna lie in my feelings about this hhhhh

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notsosou - 2022-02-22 00:20 (UTC) - Expand

picks him up and brings him home gimme for both

Subaru: Subaruuuu this is an interesting CR I think in that it started off strong with them having fun with the lava and messing about and then has started to... slowly go down? Shin was hanging out with Subaru based off that moment alone but Subaru's chipperness and tendency to push him into things, not to mention trying to get him to take his shirt off (it's not like Subaru knows about the scar, but emotions aren't rational), means some of Shin's old buttons are being pushed and it's kind of like that thing where you don't say it to someone's face but ur opinion of them shrivels a bit.

One thing propping this up is that like, much as Subaru messes with Shin, he also takes tit for tat in good cheer i get the sense of, so unlike with Midori Shin can actually push back and clear the air and slate.

The meeting has kind of made things worse because Shin already has issues trusting people's reactions but that's doubly so for people who seem chipper and unconcerned about the whole thing and that def fueled why he went after Subaru where he didn't Miyuki. He's on the basketball team now but at what cost.

Finally, Shin has no idea what to make of that one network post and Subaru's flirting, and has largely dismissed it as either an idol thing or more messing with him because that's easier than really thinking about it.

Kaede: It's kind of like that position where someone is a friend of a friend so you're kind of friends by default and hang out but also you don't know each other as well? They've probably been learning more about each other's interests, too.

Shin's definitely sensed the Sara energies but she seems... saner? Much as appearances can be deceiving. I'm crying I love him and Sara trying to get along for her sake in front of her so much... same with Shin and Kaede working together in the meetings, it's nice having someone who can coordinate people have his back because he's found out he's not as good at that as he'd like to be (and maybe it's just a little bit of replacing going on, shhh).

One day she should have him sing while she plays piano bc he actually has a pretty good if untrained voice I headcanon.

peeks at roomie!!

Nanami: Roomie!! Shin has already kind of gone into protecc mode about Nanami (esp this one, now that he's getting a better idea of how to tell them apart) and that seems unlikely to change :' ) She's part of the growing collection of little siblings he's been adopting, and he's in prime position to worry since they both see each other a lot and the poor sleep and staring at walls is very evident. Not that he's sure what to do about it, but you know, he's Concern. That concern and his assessment of Nanami as someone like Kanna is probably why he's letting her room with him at all given his January paranoia and his own hangups about manipulating people.

They have a lot in common and I can't wait for that to come up. They're video game nerds! They should have a battle sometime (Shin will probs lose, but he'll make a very good showing).

I couldn't resist flailing back at you on discord already but you get to deal with me in two places lol

Nanami hasn't 100% figured out her roomie's... deal yet. But to be honest, she's not sure she needs to. He's an amiable roommate, they hang out a lot together in the room even if they're not talking with each other, and it's nice to be able to have somebody she can just kinda quietly exist with.

He seems stressed or tired a lot. But she's not having a great time herself so it's not as if she knows how to help. Still... she's been kind of quietly looking for an opportunity to help him, partly to repay him for the kindness and help he gave her, and just partly because she cares about him and wants to.

She hasn't managed to get him to game club yet, BUT once she figures out he's also a NERD she will definitely do that, so look forward to her finding out once she's got her GGA back!

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notsosou - 2022-02-22 05:13 (UTC) - Expand

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waitingforplayer2 - 2022-02-22 05:16 (UTC) - Expand

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notsosou - 2022-02-22 07:59 (UTC) - Expand

yeets nene and sidney in here, i love hearing ur takes onthem ok

Nene: I love how they both refuse to acknowledge they're siblings because of The Curse. Shin really cares for Nene and knows how much losing people affects her and that really contributed to his 'ohhhh I fucked up' when she saw his bruises. I think that really did hit home that people DO care if he'd die and ouch.

He's never taking that scarf off and barks at Komaeda about it whenever he eyes it. I'm also still crying that he's a little relieved Hanako's gone because that guy was sus as hell but also has acquired enough tact he's not going to say that to Nene's face.

I think he's been starting to hand Gardening Club responsibilities back to her (well he kind of had to what with his crash in January) but he very much likes hanging out with her there and also just in general, and he's taking very careful care of the pot plants :'' ) Their CR's settled at a comfortable place, even as everything else in Shin's life has started to set on fire. Speaking of, he is deeply concerned about Midori getting to her like he is a lot of his CR in general hence the pretending-not-to-be-frantic texts.

Sidney: Sidney's back up and on his feet and Shin's allowed a little 'i did that' pride at that, I think. He so often wants to help people but has no idea how to go about it or what to say and is deeply afraid of fucking things up after he almost got someone killed so it's nice when something... actually does help.

Things are interesting bc Shin gave Sidney a weapon as a show of trust when he was doing particularly well and now.... isn't. Does he think Sidney will haul off and attack him? Well he doesn't think so but he also thought that about Sara so... there's apprehension.

Apart from this, Shin's perceptions of Sidney haven't changed overmuch; the kind of person who'll put themselves in harm's way for people weaker than him. He's got sympathy for Sidney having had to suddenly deal with being 'weak' himself and treated accordingly, although there's a not nice part of Shin that's a little happy whenever somebody strong is brought down to what he considers his level. Still, he's not cruel enough to not try and give Sidney that strength back, because it's not a great state to be in.

yogen wants to hear ur cr

Lint | Shin Tsukimi | Your Turn To Die

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